Wednesday, March 9, 2016

Different strokes. Humble beginnings.

It may not come as a surprise to most people but I'm really not a people person. *GASP*!

Yes, I'm one of those introverted types. I'm also a sufferer of generalized anxiety disorder. On top of those, I have some sort of fucking sensory processing sensitivity. In summary, I'm a ball of stress that does better alone and in silence.

So I quit my job. Actually, I quit 6 months ago! A career I have been doing for over a decade at various companies. I had a myriad of quitting reasons. Primarily, my freelance business had been slowly picking up steam and therefore one had to go. I had been dreaming of doing contract/freelance full time for years but was never financially stable enough to take the transitioning risk. For the record, I freelance doing the same shit I did at my job so it's not as big of a leap as I make it seem.

I had been going from company to company with the same measly 10 days vacation a year. Do you know that the standard 2-weeks vacation was implemented in the 60's? I've been working for over a decade and I still only ever got 2 weeks. You can't really do shit with that. Also, I'm sorry but 10 days is not 2 weeks. I recently had next to no sick time (4 whole days for the entire year. That's ONE illness!) and zero other benefits or positive company rewards. I don't think I ever really got a raise. My fault for changing jobs so much though, I know. Sure I had health benefits but I was tired of working for companies who gave no fucks about me or appreciated my expertise and experience. I decided to take my knowledge and apply it to myself only. I was tired of being treated like a shit commodity.

I didn't do this alone though. Without Ryan's steady income and health benefits I would be literally screwed. Thanks expensive diabetes for ruining all the fun. If I didn't need $500/month to keep myself alive it would be an entirely different story.

I honestly don't know what I would do without hoodies. They are my favourite.

The benefits to this?
I have essentially cut down on most of my hella anxiety triggers. Wearing seriously uncomfortable work clothes that would make me twitch during the day. Not having to "put on a face" and pretend to be interested in co-workers weekends and evenings. I don't own make-up so I didn't have to put on a face that way. It's not that I don't like talking to people.... Okay, I don't like talking to people. It's more that it causes me great anxiety. Socializing is something I absolutely dread. Even though I know that avoidance is not the answer to any anxiety problems, I can't help but be happy about it. My anxiety is triggered by so many things related to talking and being around people.

I work better when I can just put my head down and plod away at my own time. In fact, I get more quality work done this way. It's better for everybody involved. I'm less likely to be found curled up in a ball under my desk this way.

Sure, I don't get paid vacation or compensated sick days but that's a small price to pay for happiness and the freedom to make my own schedule. I don't feel work guilt for spending half the day in bed when I'm truly not feeling well.

No, there really isn't any job security or stability. Sometimes I have to hunt down cheques for work that's completed. I have to put aside hoards of money for taxes and in the end I'm not earning as much as I used to. I have to deal with the business sides of things which doesn't bode well for my non MBA brain. But my life is better, finally.

I'm a better person to everybody as a result of this but most importantly to me. It's peaceful and quiet and it's physically comfortable. My hatred for socks and shoes bothers no one! Sitting here in a sweater with the hood pulled up makes me feel content. Bras? what are those?

I don't know how long I will do this. Eventually I will want a decent pay cheque again and maybe I will earn that on my own. For now, I'm considering it a chance to grow and see if I can even BE successfully self-employed. I owe it all to Ryan for encouraging me to take the leap and support us financially while I test it out. Without him, this never would have happened.

3 comments:

  1. Not the point, but you're so PRETTTY! And I love your hair and your mug!

    Working alone is the best. Cheers to you, Scully!

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  2. Awesome!! I am so jelous as I sit here rolling my eyes (in my head) at my coworkers stories/ complaining etc. I dream of being my own boss - good for you! :D

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  3. That's great. Best wishes and continued peace of mind.

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