I'm Debbie Downer and Negative Nancy!
But really I'm like Debbie+Nancy=Scully. It's not math people, it's reality.
The other day I was in a coffee shop and noticed the dude I ordered my tea from had a massive tattoo on his forearm indicating Type 1 Diabetic with all the fixins. As he brought my gigantic green tea over (which I wasn't really going to drink any way), I asked him if he had type 1 which made me feel like an idiot. Captain fucking obvious. Like who the hell would tattoo something like that on their forearm? Of course he said "yup." My response?
"SUCKS, doesn't it?"
He looked at me with a crooked smile of someone who fucking gets it. He looked at me with a touch of "that's refreshing" in his eyes. Or at least that's what I imagined him feeling and he said, "yeah... yeah it sure does!"
and I walked away without saying another word. I wanted to make a statement, not have a long winded conversation.
That's me. Why? Because it's how I feel in a downright honest-to-goodness way!
I am the party pooper when it comes to diabetes. I am the Honest Ed (Toronto reference, sorry folks). I am the non sugar-coating freakhead. You want the truth? you come to me. You want to wallow in whatever it is you're wallowing in? I'll talk about it. Wanna gossip about someone you don't like and I also don't like? Let's have a pow-wow. You won't find me sitting around saying how much of a "BLESSING" it is to be stricken with such an awful fucking disease. I hate it more than anything when people call this disease a blessing. Fuck that shit. If you think it's a blessing than you're lying to yourself.
Every day is a struggle to some degree. As my diabetes gets older, it has more drastic side effects and symptoms of highs and lows. I have been suffering more than I used to, believe it or not. Yes I realize that I could be on my own in this one but it's as if it's getting worse. So you can't blame me for my negativity. Most of my bad lows leave me absolutely wrecked for the day and it's awful. (next post for sure.)
Why don't you tell us how you really feel Scully? Well fuck, I already did! I HATE diabetes and I'm okay with that. I'm not a miserable person at all I'm actually quite content (outside of T1D). Sure I met a few good people but y'know what? We meet good people every day in this world. Diabetes or not. Has it taught me to be a stronger person? Sort of. Would I have grown to be a strong person anyway? Probably.
It's made me more of a negative person though. It's made me more bitter and agitated. So when I meet someone that lives the same hell as I do, damn straight I'm gonna throw it down in my brutally honest way. IT SUCKS DOESN'T IT?
Cuz y'know what? I always get the same response. A genuine smile of someone who get's it and a whole-hearted agreement.