Friday, August 21, 2015

Bringing it back orange

Let me get something straight right off the bat. I really have a love/hate relationship with glucose tablets.

Let me count the ways why I love thee:
-Easy to eat. Even when chewing is difficult they dissolve in your mouth
-Easy to count. I line them up on my lap. 2 at a time in my mouth (no more or danger). They are carb countable too. Oftentimes a juice box or a package of fruit chews is just a touch too many carbs. 4 Dex is 16g carb.
-transportable and huge shelf life. I have them everywhere.
-nothing but glucose. Again, juice and candy have other shit I just don’t want. Simple glucose means it’s doing only what it has to do, get my blood sugar up and not make me fucking fat
-small. Sometimes (okay almost always) I get nausea and it’s always easy to put down glucose tabs
-cheap. Well, relatively cheap. A bottle of 50 is $8.99. So… 18cents a tab. 72 cents to fix a low, $1.08 if it’s real bad and $1.44 if it’s beyond bad. It’s common for me to kill a bottle a week.
-temperature stable. They don’t melt in the heat or freeze in the cold

And why do I hate thee? Far fewer reasons
-taste. Terrible gag-inducing taste.
-waking up with the “zacklies” (when your mouth tastes “zackly” like your ass). This is a cheater answer cuz all middle-of-the-night bg fixes leave you with the zacklies.
-the glucose dust that gets on everything
-the fact that people think it’s nasty and then they get put into the “medicine” category which I guess they kind of are
-when my stomach just can’t take another glucose tab
-although they are pretty temperature stable they are not waterproof in their carry cases and glucose tabs ARE made of sugar so water is kryptonite
-they don’t actually taste good at all. Pure glucose has a nasty sweet kick that no candy does. It’s almost a metallic taste.
-so few flavours I can tolerate

WHICH brings me to the point of this post. Grape is all I’ve been able to tolerate for a couple years now. Also tropical fruit and sour apple BUT 95% of the stores don’t fucking carry those two flavours and the ones that do are really out of the way for me. SO FUCKING IRRITATING. Raspberry? Kill me now. Watermelon? I’ll slit my wrists. Orange… oooooooh… wait, what? So I saw the Orange bottle sitting there all cute. It said, “pick me, pick me!” It said, “You have been so vehemently against me since diagnosis, why not give me another try?”

Remember ye olde BD square glucose tabs? The only glucose tabs that you could buy in the only flavour that existed? Yeah, I swore I’d never touch another orange glucose tablet again in my life. So I bought it on a whim. The next low I was pleasantly surprised at how non-violent a reaction my mouth had. No, in fact it was accepting of said orange’ness. I didn’t hate it. I didn’t LOVE it either but I didn’t spit it out and curse the diabetes freaks. So when I killed that bottle I bought 2 more.

I’m sure it won’t last long though before I’m just plain sick of them too. I give it 10 bottles maybe. Shit that’s 500 glucose tablets? FUCKING DISGUSTING RIGHT?! Yeah, but that’s diabetes. At the time of writing this I’m already on my 3rd bottle in less than a month.

Who knows maybe I should rush out and grab a bottle of raspberry and watermelon and see how my tastebuds fare. I’ll wait for my instinct though because the thought is making my stomach churn right now.


  1. I like the fruit punch ones.

    But to be honest, ordering Glucolift and paying the premium on the shipping is worth it to me.

    I can't handle how powdery and tart Dex4 are sometimes :/

  2. It all sounds gross, but you make it seem kind of glam too.

    Glucolift cherry smells nice to me, but I still don't want to eat it

    Why no pink grapefruit? I feel this would be big time. Chris Angell was not interested in my idea.

  3. I'm glad that I'm not the only freak in the freakshow who prefers glucose tablets to candy/juice/whatnot. Sour apple is the way to go, but maybe I'll try to find orange ones the next time around.

    Funny story... My cousin visited in April to run the Boston Marathon. She's a doctor and almost became an endocrinologist. The entire time she was here, I could not convince her to try even one glucose tablet.


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