Wednesday, May 13, 2015

D-blog week day 3 - get it out

Today's blurb:
Yesterday we kept stuff in, so today let's clear stuff out.  What is in your diabetic closet that needs to be cleaned out?  This can be an actual physical belonging, or it can be something you're mentally or emotionally hanging on to.  Why are you keeping it and why do you need to get rid of it? Credit for this topic goes to Rick.

I feel like I'm going to struggle to not air my dirty laundry here. Complete with streak marks.

It hurts me when someone says “yeah you used to eat so much candy so we all thought it was only a matter of time.” I got diabetes 13 years ago and that’s what you've been thinking all this time?

I bite my tongue, hard. If it was literal, blood might be spilling out of my mouth. I try nicely to articulate that a candy addiction had fuck all to do with my diagnosis. I answer questions if asked and I educate where possible but this sort of thing really upsets me. I can’t help it. For the record, thanks to diabetes I now UTTERLY DESPISE candy! But seriously, I always try and see things from my perspective before I got diabetes. Maybe I would have said and thought the same things because who the hell researches things like diabetes unless they have to? It's really just a lack of education. Except I can't help that it still hurts to hear shit like that. No matter what, I need thicker skin.

This goes along the same lines as overhearing people say, while they eat a donut, “I don’t care, I'm going to get diabetes.” I don’t know if I've been hearing it a lot lately or if I'm just noticing it more. BTW, there are WAY too many donuts that come through my office. I'm glad I can't eat them.

Or when people I know well start comparing managing diabetes to their condition and always trying to make diabetes seem not so bad. Don't get me wrong, I'm not looking for a bad ass badge but you really have no idea.

This makes me irate. Like to an elevated level of almost losing control. I don’t want pity but I do want you to understand just exactly HOW much diabetes steals from my life. Hour to hour, minute to minute. It controls every decision I make - or don’t make. Don’t try and compare this ever flowing and constantly changing (perpetually unmanageable) disease to a condition that affects you about 1/1000th of the time and expect me to pat you on the back for being such a trooper. YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW! You’ll never know. Again, this goes back to yesterday’s post. Maybe It’s because I just don’t share enough.   Eish, there's a piece of grass stained pants. Sorry.

I want to get out a lot of things. We could be here all day. But this is not about streak marks and pit stains.

On the contrary, I want to get out that I am proud of what I've accomplished with my diabetes management. I'm proud because my life took such a dramatic upturn since going back to injections. It's really hard to find a system that works for you since diabetes management can be so drastically different for everybody. I mean a system that REALLY works for you. It's scary when you are switching up things that are potentially life threatening. It's so easy to NOT try something. I can confidently say I have 80% MORE control over my blood sugars than I did with the pump. It gives me great pleasure to feel safe and secure knowing that this is exactly where I want to be. Could it be better? It can ALWAYS be better but I feel a great sense of relief the past couple years and I don’t fear things nearly as much as I used to.

I also want to say that I've had some diabetes books that have sat on my shelf unread now for years and it doesn't bother me one bit. I have zero motivation to take part in diabetes lately. All I know is whatever I'm doing is working better than anything else I've ever done. #FACT

that's just a silly little confession. I mean if we're going to start confessions.....
-I use the same syringe until it barely pierces my skin. Sometimes for a week at a time. At 8'ish injections a day that's pretty much against all needle protocol
-I stash pile test strips and insulin (far beyond what I'd ever use) and manipulate the system to earn points at the pharmacy that I then use to buy household goods. And chocolate, lots of chocolate.
-Sometimes I drink diet pop even though I know how bad it is for my body.
-I haven't seen the endo in over 2 years and I've had my A1C tested once in that time. I have no intentions of going to the endo. His sole purpose was for signing pump paperwork. He was a useless twat otherwise. But I am super curious about getting my A1C tested.

There, streak marks and pit stains!

For more posts on today's topic, go HERE.

5 comments:

  1. Your GP can test your A1C :P

    Also can I admit that I am sad to not hear about streak marks?

    ALSO! There is absolutely NO reason a friend can't take a fucking second to learn about diabetes if another friend is diagnosed. So no, they don't get a pass. There is literally an ENTIRE internet to search.

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  2. Oh I know I can get it done anywhere. I actually have an ongoing lab req that I photocopy and then my endo just emails me the results. It's quite sad really because it's not that I can't test my A1C it's that I don't even care enough to do it.
    Sorry there's no actual streak marks. My verbal streaks are bad enough :P

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  3. What Alanna said!

    There are also, test your own A1c kits that you can buy online or in the US.

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  4. Great post! I too am "guilty" of using the same pen needle. Over and over. And over ;) You're awesome!

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  5. Monday - I had a small piece of cake after lunch. And bolused. Later - Dexcom started beeping while a co-worker was in my office (a retired RN). I shut off Dex's beeping as she said, "See, that's what you get for eating the cake." And I (stayed calm) said - "Well no, you are very wrong - because I'm low - not high." And then I said, "You know, it's kinda rude that you think you can comment on my eating habits. I prefer you not do that unless you have something nice to say."
    Hopefully, she'll continue to be a friend -

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