Tuesday, May 12, 2015

D-blog week day 2 - keep it to yourself

Today's prompt:
Many of us share lots of aspects of our diabetes lives online for the world to see.  What are some of the aspects of diabetes that you choose to keep private from the internet?  Or from your family and friends?  Why is it important to keep it to yourself? 

Kudos goes to Scott at Rolling in the D for this topic.

Here's what I have to say:

This topic has brought about a lot of thinking for everyone it seems. Given that most of us blog about diabetes, in essence, that makes us pretty transparent with how we feel about it all.

There are definitely a lot of things I keep to myself. In my diabetes online presence it’s mostly opinions that I don't share. They’re not great but that’s why I keep them to myself! I’m allowed to think however I want and I would be terrible if I pushed those opinions out there. I mean, sometimes I do. I have so very little filter after all. I’m a firm believer of “do now and ask for forgiveness later”. Or in my case, “cause havoc and apologize profusely.” Garbage comes out of my mouth faster than I can stuff it back in, it’s a weakness. I know. It constantly gets me in trouble.

If I were to think about just one (I guess there's two actually) thing I don't share online? It would be both my negative opinions and my true feelings towards this disease. I know it may seem like I come across rather negative towards it and it's true. But what I really truly feel, I'll never share for fear of someone coming and locking me up. I swear, if diabetes were a person I would rip the asshole limb for limb and throw it in a garbage disposal. If diabetes were a person I would willingly go to jail for murder.

In my real life world I keep most of it (betes shit) to myself. Even from my family. Perhaps it’s due to being dx’d at 22 and already in full adult mode so not needing my parents to take care of me. There is so much that people close to me will just never understand either from lack of knowledge (I don’t blame them) or because I just don’t talk about it. They see very little of my life with diabetes and I prefer it that way. It just doesn't really come up because it's so foreign to them. This is a disease that can only be managed by me and that in itself is isolating. There’s only so much I can share and most of it just worries people. Ryan is the only one who can vouch for me sometimes.

I prefer the smile ‘n nod option. That’s if I can stop from shoving my feet in my mouth the rest of the time.

Online I share a bit more because it’s an easier forum to be transparent since I communicate my feelings better via a keyboard than I do with my voice. I'm so bloody awkward in person on top of my social anxiety. I do my best not to be serious about my writings though because that makes me feel like I’m bitching. I add humour to dampen the severity of certain situations. Sometimes when it's actually happening I can’t help but slap myself upside the head anyway.

I mean, let’s be honest. Most of the diabetes shit stories are of my own doing so I have to take the idiot blame where it’s due!

I’m not really sure I fulfilled the prompt for this one. I guess what I don’t share, you probably don’t want to know anyway. And if you know me in real life? You know I share even less.

For more posts on this topic, go HERE.

5 comments:

  1. I think you fulfilled the prompt just fine. And when it comes to NOT using this forum to bitch and complain about diabetes, while at the same time not using it as a trophy that brags pride and accomplishment, you're the best. That's what makes you authentic, and is why I love reading your stuff.

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  2. "But what I really truly feel, I'll never share for fear of someone coming and locking me up." <--- <3!

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  3. Even though I grew up with diabetes, I don't talk about diabetes that much with my parents either, unless I want to tell them something. I think for them it's just something that I'm in charge of and they're not really involved with it because they live so far away. Even though I have diabetes, I try to involve my husband in my diabetes management as much as I can, by having him get me things I need (like juice) or by helping with some of the carb counting. It's really helped alleviate some of the burden for me.

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  4. Well said and great post. I feel the same way and you said it so well...xoxo

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  5. Sometimes I smile and nod - and then there's the times I have to walk away before I offend. Sigh... Oh well.

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