Tuesday, March 4, 2014

From the facehole to the asshole

I assume that it is not normal to feel like everything inside my abdomen is a rotten mess.

Am I right?

Most people don’t actually FEEL gut sick.

We aren’t supposed to normally notice our guts. They’re just there, inside our bodies, doing what they do best. Passing food along, extracting nutrients and kicking the waste to the curb. Voila right? Seems so simple.

Food goes in the top and makes it’s way down to the stomach. You know it takes an average of 7 seconds for food to travel down the esophagus and into the stomach? Maybe we burp. Maybe there’s a gurgle or a grumble. Then it passes into the long snaky ventures of the small intestine. It’s 10 feet long. Did you know that? When the food exits the small intestine, 90% of the nutrients will have been absorbed. One may say that this is where the most action happens.

What’s next? The large intestine is half as long and twice as wide in diameter. It’s also considered the colon. 

Then we poop. Repeat process. Continuously.

All in a days work inside our nifty lower gastrointestinal tract. 

For most of us… not including me.

Sometimes I get made fun of for how much I talk about my gut health. Whether it’s laughing at me for pooping on my runs (back in the day when I used to run). Or poking fun at my flatulence which I engage in myself. Farts are fucking funny okay. Poop health has, unfortunately, always been a thing with me. Sometimes I have friends that come to me about it simply because they know I will openly talk. I live in a world of nausea and upset.

This is why I talk about it so much, my friends. My system doesn’t do what it’s supposed to do. I’m not sure it EVER did either. The problems I’ve been having lately are debilitating. I usually don’t feel well enough to drive myself to work and then sit at my desk all day but I do it. I don’t feel well enough to get on my bike in the evening and a lot of nights I won’t because I simply just can’t. I'm plagued with all day headaches and fatigue, sometimes extreme. My A1C went up by a little. My BGs have not been cooperating probably due to mal-absorption.

There is pain, I take pain killers. There is nausea, I take anti-nausea meds. There is gas and bloating and everything nasty that comes with that. There are tears on the toilet. There is hemorrhoid cream and ginger ale. Hours of lying down and many times getting my exercise in by literally sprinting to the bathroom. Sometimes, I don’t always make it.

At first it was once or twice, then it was every day. I noticed instead of having good days mixed with bad hours I am having bad days mixed with good hours.

The things that seem to bother me the most? Sugar. Fucking SUGAR. A day full of lows leaves me almost bed ridden. A diabetic who can’t tolerate sugar?! A friend said recently, “Someone is clearly playing a cruel joke on you.” 

I try not to eat – honestly.

Tomorrow I have a consult with a GI doc to talk about tests. Down the face hole (endoscopy) and up the asshole (colonoscopy).

“scared” would be an accurate description of how I feel. Why? Every affliction that has come into my life is almost always life long and chronic.

I wrote this for the sake of getting it off my mind.


  1. I'm so sorry your going through this. Pain sucks. But worry takes it all to another level. I know all too well.

    I'm thinking of you and hope you receive answers that aren't chronic, but rather fixable.

  2. Wow. I've struggled for years as well with the whole GI crap and it sucks ass! It got better for awhile, and honestly it's nowhere near as bad as it was 10 years ago, I have no idea what I did, but there are days (like the last week) that holy hell I wonder what the frick I did to the diaper gods to make me feel such a way! And the hemorrhoids, I blame Oscar for those, one of the many pregnancy side effects I was afflicted with that still have not gone away. Seriously, NOT cool!

  3. Hang in there! I think answers will make you feel better...just knowing that there is an organic cause. And then you can find solutions that will, hopefully, work better for you! I'm thinking of you!!

  4. I am so sorry. I have a good friend who tried for years to treat/avoid your symptoms with the SCD* diet alone. She recently got a new GI doctor who Rx'd a medication that is helping. I hope this happens to you too, after the swoop-down/swoop-up poke arounds.

    *Specific carbohydrate diet <---these people make loaves of "bread" out of pureed chicken. It's pretty hard core.

  5. After I said that, I realized you must already know about that diet. Sorry! I also keep telling people about Khan Academy, as if it is obscure.

    1. actually? I have no idea what the SCD is. Google to the rescue!
      loaves of chicken puree sounds hideous though.

      and Khan Academy? where do you store all this knowledge?

  6. Jeez, Scully... I just want to give you a hug or something, because I'm completely lost as to what else I could do. I hope you find the root of all this and some way of making it better.

  7. Oh, fooey! Hope the doctor can figure out something that you can do.

  8. Aw, shit. That's about the most appropriate thing I can think of right now.

    But seriously ... I don't know what to say. Do I tell you about a friend-of-a-friend whose wackjob of a doctor had some crazy theory that - surprisingly and in the end, helped fix her GI issues? Or does that make me sound like one of those cinnamon-cure pushers?

    I want this to get better for you. I'm sure the answer is simple, someone just needs to find it.

  9. That sounds so miserable, Scully. I'm sorry. I hope you're able to find some answers and some relief. You sure deserve it.

    Thinking of you and praying for you.

  10. Thinking of you,and hoping they find out what's going wrong to make a plan,going forward. Hang in there,people care about you.

  11. Scully, have your doctors considered a gluten allergy? Your symptoms sound similar to celiac or a gluten sensitivity. Doctors often miss it, as they did with my wife. Read the book Wheat Belly and possibly try going gluten free for a few weeks. It could change your life. In the least, it's worth a try.

    1. I have been gluten free for 4 years so I'm pretty sure that's not the cause. I wish it was that easy.


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