Friday, October 4, 2013

Potato guilt

Forgive me world for I have sinned worse than usual. I have a weakness for potatoes. I love them so much I ate a cold left-over baked potato like a crack addict hiding an addiction. Like a racoon with a stolen treat. Like me as a kid with a bag of chocolate. Feverishly and selfishly noming away all the while fearing the consequences. Beady eyes, hunched over and paranoid. No 'tato fixins' like salt or butter or chives. Just a plain, cold, wrinkly skinned left-over baked potato.

This is not my potato. This is a picture I STOLE from someone else. How could I bring myself to take the picture? I couldn't.

DON’T YOU TOUCH MY POTATO! Nom gnarly nom nom!!

It was a white potato. A white baking potato and I almost ate the whole thing.

You see, I don’t know what got into me. Potatoes are delicious. I love the simplicity of the vegetable. It’s so hearty and robust. It is easy to please and requires literally NO special preparation or storage. I threw it in the oven with a coating of olive oil and sea salt. It almost happened without even thinking. Next I knew it ended up in my lunch bag. I don’t even know how it got there, it was like I was possessed, HONEST!

I pulled the ziplock bag out and cradled it in my lap like I was praising the potato gods. Like I was offering it up for sacrifice. It was like … like … my precious! Delicious preciousness. Nobody was around to stop me and my own guilt and shameful regret couldn’t even stop me. It’s a fucking WHITE POTATO! It’s to diabetes as kryptonite is to superman.

I just kept taking bite after evil inspired bite as the guilt grew inside of me. I KNEW it was going to screw up my blood sugar for hours. I’ve never been able to manage potato carb. As simple as they are, they wreak havoc with their alien-like quantum mechanics carbohydrate blend. I struggled to regain control of this runaway ‘tato train. Y’know what though? I didn’t care! I ate that potato with all the fierceness I could muster toward a vegetable. I was like, “fuck you potato.” Then I felt sad. It’s not the potatoes fault.

That’s the thing though, how could a vegetable cause so much grief and regret? That’s when I stopped eating. I couldn’t finish the potato. I couldn’t allow myself that much guilt, I could only handle 75% guilt. It was at this point the potato was no longer just a delicious potato. It became unappetizing because I couldn’t see the simplicity of it, I saw a series of complex carbohydrate and insulin equations. I couldn’t enjoy it any more. 

I threw out the wee 25% un-eaten potato with sadness. I couldn’t even look at it.

I can’t promise I’ll never lose my control on a vegetable again and it’s hard to admit I have a problem. Admittance is the first stage of recovery though right?

It's just a potato but when you have diabetes it's so much more and that "so much more" just isn't worth it sometimes. AND THAT, my friends, IS SAD!

9 comments:

  1. Haha!! This is an awesome post!!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Love it! You had me giggling like a little kid. Damn those tasty potatoes!

    ReplyDelete
  3. "It became unappetizing because I couldn’t see the simplicity of it, I saw a series of complex carbohydrate and insulin equations. I couldn’t enjoy it any more."

    This is precisely the reason I rarely, if ever, eat sweets. I can never see past the complexity and just enjoy, but you know what, I'm ok with that.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I am sitting on the couch nursing a bg of 18. Why? Because I went for sushi. I pre bloused. I bloused three extra units after and three more an hour after that. Still couldn't prevent the sticky sushi high.

    It sucks but it doesn't stop me from eating sushi.

    Just sayin'

    ReplyDelete
  5. I don't understand. I <3 potatoes. I couldn't eat a cold baked potato... but fresh out of the oven with cheese...

    ReplyDelete
  6. I did something comparable with a baguette and cheese breakfast this weekend. Except I just ate with abandon until there was no more. Then I napped, and correction bolused and cleaned and correction bolused, and cooked a low carb dinner and correction bolused...

    ReplyDelete
  7. If only the potato would reciprocate our love of it with steady BGs. Scully, this is just what I needed today (the post, not the potato). Thanks.

    ReplyDelete

Due to low life spam monkeys I am forced to moderate comments and I hate it (But I hate spam monkeys more)