When I was a kid I had a lot of stomach issues and struggled to keep my weight up on and off over the years. When I got older, I got diabetes. Most of you know my diagnosis story because it’s a bit of an odd one. In a nutshell: I was diagnosed with “some kind of diabetes, we think, maybe, we’re not sure” after a sudden onset overnight pancreas destruction. Then I was left for 2 months completely untreated. No insulin, no oral drugs, not even a glucose meter. So in that two months AFTER diagnosis is when I experienced all the notorious side effects of ravenous thirst and hunger and rapid weight loss.
When I later learned all that weight loss was my body dying
it scared me. Then the insulin therapy started and I ballooned out like a fat
fuck. Eventually my weight levelled out to something resembling me. It wasn’t
long before I went 6 years with undiagnosed celiac disease that had me at my sickest,
weakest and lightest of all my life. I’ve had heavier times and lighter times.
I always hesitate to replace clothing whenever this happens. However last year
I seemed to be slowly putting weight on no matter what.
EXCEPT that now, I’m confused. I’ve noticed for a while (but
didn’t want to admit it) that my clothes have been falling off me. One by one
my pants are requiring belts and I can take them all off without undoing them.
Even my bike shorts have been loosey goosey even though they are supposed to be
tight and annoying. It may come as a surprise to you but yes I am a woman and
don’t really pay much attention to my body. I do what I can in an attempt to
maintain my weight but overall it wasn’t until I finally weighed myself last
week before I was able to see that I have dropped weight.
Why does this bother me? Because any time my weight has
fluctuated it’s always been a result of poor health. Too much stress, too much
stomach upset, too many lows etc, so on and so forth.
I worry. I AM worried about this. I just assume it’s
attributed to something wrong with my health. I accuse being chronically ill
most my life for that worry. I can’t enjoy it because I don’t believe it is
something I did. So it’s been on my mind daily for the past couple weeks. After
talking to a close friend about it I’ve come to wonder if it’s a culmination of
things. I’m happy now (thanks to Ryan). I’m less stressed, I cut out dairy and
then eggs, I sold my house, I went back to MDI. Could that be it? Could it be
the lack of eggs or the injections? I haven’t changed my exercise routine all
that much in years. It’s just happened so slowly over the past year.
I just don’t know. But 15lbs is a rather big difference on
I think what bothers me the most is this is what I wanted. I
knew dropping some weight would undoubtedly make me faster on the bike. Yeah,
call me shallow but it’s the honest truth. The best bike racers are the small
lean ones. The lighter you are the less weight you have to haul up hills. I can
instantly increase my power to weight ratio and that automatically translates
to faster speeds. Yet it still worries me. Could it be thyroid? Could it be
another intestinal issue? I have been dealing with A LOT of stomach and intestinal havoc lately. Am I simply not eating enough? Is there something
wrong with me? I guess I’m just trained to think there must be something wrong
with me and I hate that.
I am seriously worried y’all will think I’m looking for a
pat on the back or trying to toot my own horn. I am not. I am ACTUALLY worried
something is wrong so please don’t take this post the wrong way.
I’m reluctant to replace clothes so for now, please be
careful when you’re around me because my pants keep falling down.