Wednesday, February 27, 2013

Bikeless and Restless

Patience is a virtue.

How about when you are a bike rider without a bike?

My patience is wearing thin. As well as my pants feeling tighter and my sanity out the window.

When I got kicked off the team I lost my rights to Sexy Bitch (my bike of course) and had to return it. I am, however, now involved with a smaller local team which I’m pretty stoked to be on. I barfed up many dollars for a new bike and kit. The bike has come together with the help of MANY amazing and talented people, ebay and other awesomeness. It is SO close to being finished. Like we’re in the home stretch. There were a lot of hiccups and sidelines trying to get this machine to roll for me. Initially I was hoping to have a bike between my legs in a couple weeks. Needless to say I have been bikeless for over 6 weeks and that, my friends, is a shame!

Winter is a great time for training. Yes it involves a whole lot of cycling for hours while going nowhere but it’s a great time to work on specifics. 6 weeks is a long time to miss out on a lot of these key workouts and base building exercises. I was on the trainer almost every single day interspersed with some weekly jaunts to the escarpment stairs for cross-training. I was gaining and improving.

The first couple weeks sans bike I worked incessantly on freelance outside of my regular work hours to drown my sorrows and make some extra dollars that would surely be needed to pay off the new gear. Then time kept going on… and on.  Longer than anticipated. I started driving Ryan crazy. This bitch needs a bike! Exercise is my outlet. It’s my “me” time and my “feel good” time. The bike was so much more than just a bike. So I started going back to the gym, or the “adult playground” as I like to call it. Fuck I hate the gym. I find it utterly depressing. BUT, I’m glad I at least have that.

None of it helps though. I knew I wasn’t a good bike racer and was going to train my ass off this winter. Was going to. Being without a bike is like having a sports injury. The psychological damage is intense. I am stressed out and freaking out because I am essentially running out of time before race season. It’s like a nightmare. My anxiety is peaking and I’m starting to feel helpless which I know I shouldn't be but I fear not being able to get up to "speed" (pun intended). I don't know what this season will bring me. I don't know if by midway through I'll be tempted to never enter another race or if I'll actually be making improvements. I'm not one to quit but if I try enough and end up DFL at every race I'll be retiring my UCI licence. 

There will be a bike filling the void in our living room by the weekend and not a moment too soon. Too bad I can’t “cram” for a race the way you cram for an exam. 

I need the fun between my legs back!


  1. it's the bell lap and i can see the finish line for ya.

  2. Personally, I think you'll be fine because you want this so bad. And don't you dare think of quitting... you're way too young for that. It's easy for me to say, but... Enjoy the process, and the rewards will come.

  3. I can feel your restlessness reading this post. I am glad you are putting to fun back between your legs.


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