Tuesday, December 18, 2012

...why bother?

Do you ever find yourself saying, “I don’t know why I even bother…” ?

I love cycling. Absolutely adore it. I got my first big kid bike when I was 19. It was a mountain bike that was about 3 sizes too big for me. That bike got stolen and then replaced. Then I sold that bike and got a different one while I was in Taiwan. It was in 2005 that I found myself going on multi-hour road rides on a mountain bike. The longest road ride I ever did on that mountain bike was 115km. The thought of doing that now makes me imagine needing bum surgery. I would take that bike out every weekend for hours of mostly road riding. About a year later was when I came to the conclusion that I am better suited for endurance sports like long distance cycling and running. I bought my first road bike off a friend. Again it was about 3 sizes too big but it didn’t matter. I rode that thing into the ground. It now has a home belonging to Ryan. It is called “The Silver Surfer” and it is loved again.

I’ve put in time. I’ve put in effort. I did more 100mile rides this past summer than I can count. I’ve put in blood sweat and tears. I feel as though I haven’t got out what I put in. I push, I train, I am committed. So where’s my improvement? Where’s the outcome of the input that I deserve?

Is it the pesky weight I can’t lose no matter what?
Is it my heart that threatens to explode?
Is it my nerves killing my motivation before I even start?

Racing season is fast approaching and I feel as though I should get off my bike and not even bother. Cut my losses while I’m ahead. Make my peace with racing before an entire season of nerves, disappointment in myself and being discouraged take away any amount of confidence I had.

Bike racing is not like running or triathlon.  They don’t rip up the start/finish mat when you don’t finish a marathon with the elites. They don’t recognize the first, second and third finishers and ignore the rest. In cycling, if you aren’t strong enough to stay with the field, you might as well not even bother starting. That means one needs to be at least THAT good. No slow pokes allowed. Once you are dropped and left in the dust you might as well just call it a day and limp away with your tail between your legs.

Or go home, feel sorry for yourself and cry when you can’t even keep up with a casual Saturday morning group ride.

I did that.

I also picked myself back up, threw my spandexed butt back on the trainer and started again.

6 comments:

  1. Keep going. I believe in you! You're getting stronger, and this year is going to be great.

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  2. Scully, good for you for getting back on the trainer. Just that act alone is inspiring.

    I'm old enough to know that I can't hang with the fast riders (or swimmers, or anything) any longer. But I also think, "let's see how everyone else does when they get to be my age".

    Maybe you should think, "let's see how those guys do after living with diabetes and a couple of serious crashes". They would probably go running home to Mama. At which point you would fly right past them.

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  3. Yeah, keep going. You're doing it for the joy and the love of it! And for the fact that you can drink coffee while riding circles at a stoplight while I stare at you in amazement!

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  4. Very glad to hear that you got your butt back on that trainer. We all go through slumps but you know you rock at it and will be very glad you powered through!

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  5. That last sentence is exactly why you should bother!! Because even when things get tough, even when you feel like it's all for nothing, you still got out there and tried. And that is all anyone can ask. Just like in diabetes, even when it doesn't go the way we want it to, as long as we keep trying we win. And you are definitely a winner!!

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  6. I know how you feel and you know I'm feeling the same as I struggle with my new life in triathalon. To come from being a champion in such a different sport such as skateboarding, endurance and speed are things new to me and as you know I've also thought about throwing in the towel. You've kept me on point and motivated, I'll do the same for you. All we can do is help eachother, train as hard as we can, put everything we have into the race and let it unfold as it will. Here's to the best we can be and the best season we can have... for this year ;-)
    Ryan xo

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