Thursday, November 15, 2012

i choose bike

Choices.
Good, bad, ugly? Life is full of them.

I cannot choose to not work. I cannot choose to be self-employed because of my super high maintenance disease demands a health plan. I mean seriously diabetes, you are EXPENSIVE! 

I choose to work a crap commute away from home. I choose to live in the city I live in. Well mostly, the rest of it is because it's the armpit of Ontario and it's all I can afford. I could choose to move closer to work (and maybe live in a shed) or choose to find a job closer to home (that is far less glamorous with crap pay). In the end this is what I chose.

I made bad choices in the past that have left me selling my house and now renting a room in a friends’ house.  Emotional turmoil from my bad choices caused me to crash my car and now suffer the consequences of car payments and EXORBITANT insurance fees.

There's a fork in the road. Choices need to be made.
I choose bike.

There is not enough time in my life for more than one sport. When it comes right down to it, the basics of my choices are, “I can be half-assed at two sports or I can be good at one.”

I choose bike.

In a perfect world I would make the earth rotate a little bit slower on it's axis and engineer humans to not need as much sleep. 

I spend 11-12 hours a day commuting and working. I can't change that. The time that is left in my day is all I have to literally cram things in. I already hardly see my family and friends. I'm lucky if I get errands done or do my laundry or even remember to shower. I require time for prepping and planning food because that’s what it takes if I want to eat healthy, celiac and diabetes friendly food. Sleep deprivation is already a big problem. I am stressed to the point of sick lately. Stress kills. Stress drives my BG to uncomfortable levels which destroys the whole “exercising to better my diabetes control” in the first place. Stress has been putting me in the "super high risk for heart disease" category. Stress causes many more really crappy side effects like wrecking havoc on my GI system. *joy*ugh*ouch* 

So how did I end up in this dilemma in the first place?

I got here because I have a fear of missing out. FOMO as I recently learned.

I tend to make decisions on the basis of just assumptions. Sure I can run 30km Around the Bay, squeeze my first bike race in and top it off with a marathon all in a month. I'm SUPERWOMAN remember?

This next season I’ll be touring the local circuit of O-cup bike races and I'd love to compete at a higher level in my second season of racing. BUT… I can’t really do that if I'm training for a marathon that I expect to finish standing up.

Both disciplines require an inordinate amount of time and type of training. Unless I was unemployed and living with a sugar daddy (hey Ryan, what was that about the street corner?) who was able to provide me with  health benefits there’s just no way this is all possible. I'm not getting paid to be an athlete though I'd be the first to admit that's my dream job. The conflict of training plans with peaking and tapering just has mayhem and injury written all over it. Add to that the little time I can dedicate to training. I'm sure my priorities would be different if I wasn't wasting 2.5+ hours a day in traffic.

Alas, I am not superwoman. I want to be an athlete. More specifically, I want to be a bike racer. So? Out the door goes my running goals. Out the door goes my commitment to my freelance business. I'm stressing out how to fit it all in. It eventually leaves me in tears. None of it matters any way if I am so stressed out I can’t enjoy the training. After all, I am an athlete because I enjoy it.

so....      I CHOOSE BIKE

4 comments:

  1. Great choice, though I only say that because I hate running and love cycling. ;) I think you are superwoman for what you've already been able to accomplish. That famous 112 mg/dL ride is something I will spend the rest of my riding days trying to emulate. Anyway, I'm sorry you had to choose, but I'm glad you chose bike. It means I still have a chance of talking you into the JDRF Nashville ride next September. Did you hear? Jeff is in!

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  2. I know that choosing just one is hard for you, but I am so glad that you're picking one thing to do really well. I wondered about it this season, and I expect that next season you're going to see some awesome results because of focusing.

    Rock on, cycle chick!

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  3. Making the tough choices sucks.
    But, knowing that those touch choices are best in the long run (bad choice of words!) makes them a bit easier to make.

    I'm willing to be your street corner buddy because no one would look twice at me standing next to you and you'd make all the money! ;) (sorry, lack of sleep is making me tackier than usual)

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  4. I'll offer an additional "Rock on, cycle chick!"

    It's hard when life demands so much attention, and here's to hoping that it won't always be that way.

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