Tuesday, October 23, 2012

Pulling the "D" card, legitimately

For a few of you that commented on my FB status, will know what I'm talking about. Thanks to Patricia for linking to THIS POST about what it's like to have diabetes. A truly well written post that is a fairly accurate summary in a way.

I went to bed last night fine and dandy. I woke up at 5am in a sudden panic. My alarm goes off at 5:05am. Something was wrong, very wrong. I was low. At first it seemed nothing out of the ordinary but as I moved about my bedroom to reach for the dex tablets it became suddenly clear just how low I was. The sweat was pouring off me and I was having trouble moving my body. I plowed back glucose as fast as I could while I tested my BG to see just what the damage was. 2.0mmol/l (36mg/dl). Fight or flight, these kind of lows are like near death experiences.

I laid there hyperventilating and flopping around praying to science for a quick recovery. My alarm went off several times. I kept snoozing it. I dragged myself out of bed, threw some clothes on in the dark and brushed my teeth. I didn't brush my hair or even look in the mirror. I stumbled downstairs to groggily make coffee and my oatmeal to go. Got in my car and proceeded to follow my routine crap commute to work. The pouring rain and dark night sky at 6am were not helping. I had no appetite for my oatmeal. I was somewhat incoherent. About 25 minutes into my drive I made the decision to pull off the highway. I found the nearest gas station parking lot. I sat there for over an hour and a half drinking coffee and dozing in and out of consciousness. It was apparent to me that I had not really recovered from the low. I texted in to work explaining that I was taking a "D" day.

The D-card is something I rarely pull to get out of work. Normally I would drag my ass in there and slog out the day somewhat half-assed and unable to really focus.


The view from the drivers seat.

Today, I waited for the daylight to come out a bit before I felt safe enough to turn around and drive home. I turned off my phone, planted my body in bed dressed in work clothes and all. I slept for 3 hours. Woke up, had another hellish low (go figure) then proceeded to consume copious amounts of coffee in an attempt to drag myself out of this horrible fog.


Yeah that's right. took a pic of myself wishing I was in bed and feeling like a miserable pile of poo.

I pulled the D-card.

It's hard to explain what a hypo that bad feels like. It's even harder to explain what it feels like AFTER the low is gone. The low itself, feels like a blanket of death is wrapping me up in it's hold. The panic and fear are palpable. Once my body recovers and my brain finally has some fuel by the form of glucose it can be a difficult road. It doesn't feel like malaise or any kind of sick I can relate it to. I guess it sort of feels like being hungover but let's be honest, the last time I was hungover was a long LONG time ago. It feels like a super thick fog coating my brain like syrup. Normal coherent thoughts are not possible. Simple things yes but getting in my car and navigating rush hour traffic on my 75km commute in pitch dark and pouring rain, NO WAY. Not a chance in hell. Getting to work and trying to focus on anything? Not likely. I feel extremely tired but not like sleepy tired, exhausted and knackered all around. Wiped out. Drained. Empty. I feel like a useless turd that's good for literally nothing. It really feels like I've gone on vacation upstairs. Some lows just do that to me. It's the after effect of a damaging low blood sugar. All I can do is roll over and sleep it off sometimes.

Lows that bad don't happen to me often and when they do I am often able to pull myself together but not today. Today I thank someone for asking the question, "Should you even be driving and going into work?". It was the smack in the face that I needed.

10 comments:

  1. A thousand (( hugs )) and a refill of your glucose tabs, friend.

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  2. I'm at a loss as to what to say because I can't relate other than to agree that it must totally suck ass to feel like that. So glad you had the where-with-all to pull over! (where did 'where-with-all' come from?!?!)
    hugs!

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  3. Oh, Scully! Sending you many hugs. I, too, had a kick-your-ass low this morning. Love and glucose tabs!

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  4. That sucks. I know that low feeling, I know that panic, I know that post-low slump that feels like you just ran a marathon (not that I know what THAT feels like but I can guess *grin*). There isn't much one can say to make you feel better but at least know that you're not alone. Way too many people out there know exactly what you feel like.

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  5. I just recently did the work "d-thing" after a terrible, horrible, sucks night. I hated doing it but, no choice.
    It's not fun. I didn't take any pictures, though...

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  6. Wow! Well expressed! I had to share with my friends just so they might know me better. Thanks for being a great voice for T1DM!

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  7. Sculy, sorry about the low. Had one of these a couple of years ago, and it was exactly like you described. I think you did the right thing pulling the D card this time.

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  8. I'm sorry you had to go through this Scully, what a scary and frustrating day.

    I think there is often a lot of pressure on us (self-imposed even?) to not ever let diabetes get in our way. But maybe we need to remember to be kind to ourselves and take the time we need to recover when these things happen.

    I'm glad you took a day for yourself, you needed it.

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  9. I just read your post to my husband and mother in law...since im 33 and 3 months in...i dont think anyone really understands what im going thru... Thanks.

    Dont drive...that was scary when i read that girl..

    xoxo from Trinidad

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  10. Ugh, those lows are the absolute worst. You were right to pull the d-card. You were legitimately "sick" and I can't imagine getting through a work day while dealing with those epic lows and the aftermath. :( Sending big hugs and hopes that you don't see another bad low like that for a very very long time.

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