That music is kind of dull and dreary. It's sad.
Here is a sad song to listen to while you read my sad story. For the record, this is Mogwai and I, personally, love Mogwai. It won't make you cry, I promise. Maybe the boredom of this post will.
You may (or may not) have noticed my complaing here or there about the royal pain in my shoulder. My threats to just cut 'er off and get on with it. My shoulder now officially has a history.
Back in January at one of the best weekends of the past decade I was at Slipstream with my Connected in Motion peeps. We did a whole lotta playing in the snow that weekend. Lots of running and tubing and games. I woke up the final morning with a kinked neck. I assumed it was from the stellar bunkbeds we were sleeping in (*sarcasm*). 6 weeks later I could barely focus because of the pain. I went to my sports chiropractor (also Céline's chiro). Upon initial inspection it was determined I did something to my pec minor. Weeks of torture and the pain was still hanging around a little too much. Life and location made it impossible for me to continue treatment. I left it by the wayside for awhile.
The pain continued and I think I kind of got used to it and didn't notice it as much any more because I'm a big fat stubborn donkey. Then it started to rear its ugly head again. I am lucky to have a friend who is an athletic therapist and offered to have a look at it. He tortured me big time. He kept asking my other friend who was in the room, "Is Scully a whiner?". He couldn't understand how it would hurt as much as it does. His final assessment was something with my left clavicle (collar bone). His torture actually left me a little less in pain for a whole couple days. Last night we did some further investigation and pin pointed the joint where the clavicle meets the sternum. We found loads of scar tissue and a clavicle that was somehow jammed and twisted and permanently... effed up.
I'm not sure where to go from here as far as treatment goes. He tells me I need to get mobility back into the joint and work on the scar tissue. It's going to take a long time and a lot of pain. My clavicle has found a new resting place and it will remain there forever. It means this is permanent and unfixable. All I can do is stay on top of it once I get it back to functioning order. Because of the compensation and the 7 months of irritation all the surrounding joints and muscles are also buggered.
But you know what? There are parts I have been in denial about. I've been awake most nights lately in pain. I spend a lot of time icing and medicating with pain meds. Running sidelines me for days and sometimes even brings me to tears mid run. Cycling sometimes too. It hurts like a mo'fo to drive. To sleep. To lay down. To stand up for too long. To carry a backpack. I've been doing some yoga lately and that easily wrecks it for days also. There is no relief!!
It's time to admit that it is injured, bad. What's weird about that is that I have NO CLUE how I injured it. Nothing sticks out in my mind.
It's affecting my every day life because I'm always in pain and constantly sleep deprived. I'm favouring it because there is so much I CAN'T do now. Lifting heavy objects? nope. Holding my own bodyweight? not a chance. What's more? I am not keen on running any more because of it. It looks like I will likely be pulling out of the Twin Cities marathon I am signed up to run in a little more than 2 months. I'm behind on my training. I've cut runs short because of the stupid shoulder.
what gets me the most? It's not like I even use my shoulder to run or cycle, nor was it injured during either of these sports.
I am injured and I have to pull back on the training.
Sometimes admitting things is hard.