Tuesday, April 10, 2012
I didn't finish
3 laps of about 18 kms and I DNF'd after the first lap. In fact I had made my decision within the first 20 minutes.
I've never ever withdrawn from a race before. There are a few races in my past that I probably SHOULD have DNF'd though. I figured there was a first time for everything.
I did NOT want to write this blog post. I can't even come up with a comical way of looking at it. It just wasn't meant to be for me that day. But, with life the bad comes with the good and maybe I'll reflect on this months down the road.
So what happened, you might be thinking.
There are two very major things both equally on par for causing me to walk away with my head hung low. I have problems with my feets. I get very numb toes and I've tried just about everything (see below). I'm afraid at the thought that it might be diabetes related. Usually they start going numb at about an hour and then every 15 minutes or so thereafter. I slow down, I un-clip and I shake my feet back to life. Even in the heat of the summer, I lose feeling in my toes. When I don't stop and shake them out, the numbness creeps up my toes and into my feet. So when it gets cold, I'm in an even worse place. I wear my cycling booties for extra protection. On Friday I had no booties because I didn't think I needed them. The temperature outside was not so cold but there was this ass nipping bite to the air. My feet were cold before I even got on the bike and I wondered if my booties would have even made that much of a difference. See they are winter shell style booties and not the sleek neoprene ones. Unlike running, my feet do not "warm up". They just get colder and colder and subsequently more numb from both the temperature and the pressure.
I got dropped from the field within 10 minutes. Long before we even hit the string of hills which were brutal by the way and bring me to my next downfall. I felt like my blood was full of sludge and I panicked. I panicked 10 minutes in and my heart rate went up, my legs felt like bricks and I just wanted to roll over and die. I climbed those hills with incredible amounts of suffering. Granny gear all the way and still just barely moving. My heart rate was so high I felt like I was going to pass out. I was dizzy, nauseous and seeing spots. It wasn't my blood sugar. I was maxing out at 193bpm. All the while the field was LONG long gone. I thought, how can this be? How can I be an athlete for this many years and fall SO far behind in a race so quickly?
I am in the process of hunting down a place to get a fit test done. I'm also tailoring my training a bit more in an effort to see if it's even worth my while or will I always be the slow ass of the field. From what I've learned about myself so far I've got good tracking capabilities. I'm good when I'm IN the field and I can keep up no problem on the flats and corners. It's when I hit hills that my HR gets out of hand and I hit a mini wall of emptiness. It makes me feel dead inside.
I turned the second corner where spectators were lined up. Oh look, here comes the girl who looks fast but doesn't belong on a bicycle. Someone get her a tricycle will ya? No... actually, they were so kind clapping and cheering. I groaned and rolled my eyes while shaking my head. I was trying to say, "Don't humour me guys, I know I've already failed."
I quietly rolled off the course to look for a commissionaire to announce my withdrawal. I've never DNF'd and I assumed I could go to the register tent. Then above on the loudspeakers I hear, "To the woman on the gravel road, you must report to the commissionaire." I hung my head even lower. I cursed under my breath out of embarrassment and I wanted to scream, "I know, I will, MUST you scream that over the loudspeakers?!"
I know I made the right decisions. My gut told me so.
I packed my car and left. Realizing that the friendly guy who was parked next to me had one of my water bottles I let him borrow as he had none and I wouldn't see it again. I just wanted to get the fuck out of there as fast as possible.
I spent the entire rest of the day struggling with insanely high blood sugars that eventually turned into lows. My roller coaster ride of yuckiness left me laying down while my family had Easter dinner.
(Note: I have tried it all. Different socks, new shoes, new cleats, placement of cleats, placement of saddle... etc. it's all hell)