|For the Flickr Group|
Diabetes is impossible to forget since it hogs my brain space nearly every moment of the day. It is, however, easy to forget what happens under the surface.
I forget that it is slowly destroying me from the inside out.
I forget that diabetes almost never gets better but continues to wreck different systems in my body.
I don't forget how much I dread going to the endo. As nice as my doctor is, I'm afraid to ask him any questions. The last time I asked if something was available in Canada he gave me a proverbial slap on the hand for believing the things I read on the internet.
I want to know what's going to happen to me? My eyes are very healthy. But the other parts of my body are not. Despite the rigorous exercise and healthy eating I am still slowly falling apart. Do all diabetics eventually end up with common problems? I'm coming up on 10 years.
My A1C went up by a smidge. He showed concern and I almost cried. My risk for heart disease is still in the excessively high zone. STILL. My cholesterol? well, that's a whole different ball game.
What's the reality? I'm 32 and I'm no where near the kind of life where I could even think about having children. I have a prescription for cholesterol meds. My doc makes a point of asking me at every appointment if I plan on having any kids. I always tell him yes, but my life is not conducive to that. I mean, I sort of need the other half of the mixture to create one of those little beans. I can't very well do it on my own. So he asks me every time and always with a look of concern. This time, there was no more time to wait. Now, with the advent of cholesterol meds in my inventory, it looks like the chance of children might be out of the picture. My cholesterol is waaaaay too high.
I still maintain that I don't understand why my cholesterol is so high. I'm seriously active and eat very healthy. I've been a vegetarian for 13 years. Why is my LDL so high?
The last time he brushed it off and said there's nothing I can do to change it because it's just the diabetes. The endo blamed diabetes.
What else is going on inside there? Are my kidneys going to start going next?
What exactly do I have to do to be at the level of a normal functioning pancreatic person? I live a healthier lifestyle than most with working pancreases.
I hate endo appointments. I hate the way they bring me face to face with diabetes.