Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Face to Face at the Endo

For the Flickr Group
There's nothing like a quarterly endo appointment to slap you in the face.

Diabetes is impossible to forget since it hogs my brain space nearly every moment of the day. It is, however, easy to forget what happens under the surface.

I forget that it is slowly destroying me from the inside out.

I forget that diabetes almost never gets better but continues to wreck different systems in my body.

I don't forget how much I dread going to the endo. As nice as my doctor is, I'm afraid to ask him any questions. The last time I asked if something was available in Canada he gave me a proverbial slap on the hand for believing the things I read on the internet.

I want to know what's going to happen to me? My eyes are very healthy. But the other parts of my body are not. Despite the rigorous exercise and healthy eating I am still slowly falling apart. Do all diabetics eventually end up with common problems? I'm coming up on 10 years.

My A1C went up by a smidge. He showed concern and I almost cried. My risk for heart disease is still in the excessively high zone. STILL. My cholesterol? well, that's a whole different ball game.

What's the reality? I'm 32 and I'm no where near the kind of life where I could even think about having children. I have a prescription for cholesterol meds. My doc makes a point of asking me at every appointment if I plan on having any kids. I always tell him yes, but my life is not conducive to that. I mean, I sort of need the other half of the mixture to create one of those little beans. I can't very well do it on my own. So he asks me every time and always with a look of concern. This time, there was no more time to wait. Now, with the advent of cholesterol meds in my inventory, it looks like the chance of children might be out of the picture. My cholesterol is waaaaay too high.

As a woman who wants kids, being told I'm running out of time is a hell of a big pill to swallow.

I still maintain that I don't understand why my cholesterol is so high. I'm seriously active and eat very healthy. I've been a vegetarian for 13 years.  Why is my LDL so high?

The last time he brushed it off and said there's nothing I can do to change it because it's just the diabetes. The endo blamed diabetes.

What else is going on inside there? Are my kidneys going to start going next?

What exactly do I have to do to be at the level of a normal functioning pancreatic person? I live a healthier lifestyle than most with working pancreases.

I hate endo appointments. I hate the way they bring me face to face with diabetes.


  1. And I hate that diabetes makes you feel this way. :(

    Big hugs to you, Scully.

  2. I've been reading you for while now, but today I feel like I have to comment. I just came out of my endo appointement, turns out I too have high cholesterol. I am a bit younger than you and trying to prepare for a baby. For my endo, cholesterol is not a problem as long as the A1C is under 6.5 (I am not quite there yet). Hope that gives you some hope!
    Also if your endo is not willing to answer your question, maybe you should consider looking for a new one!
    Whatever your labs say, your achievements are really amazing to me!

  3. UGh I totally understand. It makes it so real. Just one of the many things we hate.

  4. ugh. stupid diabetes. i'm sorry you're having a rough time with all of it right now.

    also, is there a different endo that you could try? it doesn't really sound like you're getting the support you need from this one. i'm not a fan.

    and your cholesterol could be genetics. i have crazy healthy family members with high cholesterol.

  5. that just plain sucks! I wish I had something helpful to say...other than diabetes totally fucking sucks.
    I'll lend you my Bean anytime! ;)

  6. I wonder if your LDL issue is not exactly a product of your diabetes, ya know? I wonder if it's something genetic or related to your liver. If your liver is easily susceptible to being overloaded more than others, the LDL will go up just for that reason. I have a family member with that problem. He eats healthy and yet, the LDL is high and the doctor is thinking it has to do with his liver...sigh...not that that helps anything...but you seriously live a healthy lifestyle so...anyway...I remember being told I couldn't conceive (which we know was an error now) but the point is I remember it being extremely painful news to hear and walk around with. I'm so sorry you've been dealing with this. Part of me wants you to see another endo...I'm with Jess. Maybe there are other tests that could be run or something that could help. Welp...hang in there girl.

  7. i have high cholesterol as well and my endo says it could be because i have had diabetes for 37 years but it could just as easily be hereditary. both parents have high cholesterol even though they are very active (at 69 & 70). i take my meds (lipitor) and at my last ck everything was in normal range. i do feel that it might be a good idea to see another endo, because this one doesn't seem able to answer your questions to your satisfaction. my sister lives in Milton and she sees one. if you want to know his name, let me know. she says he really seems to know his stuff.
    don't stress (i know, easier said than done), and know we're all thinking of you.

  8. That's crazy weird about your cholesterol being so high, and seriously, your endo should NOT just be brushing it off. Diabetes can be an excuse for everything, but the fact that you are so active and so healthy (aside from stupid diabetes) should have the docs looking beyond the surface of diabetes, to see if there could possibly be some other explanation. Ugh. Doctors sometimes really piss me off!

  9. I agree with all the previous posters. It's time to find a new Endo Chris. You don't want or need someone to hold your hand and hear your life story, but this guy sounds like an ass. I've been hearing the things he's said to you over the years and frankly it's starting to piss me off.

  10. I'm like to join in the "find a new endo" choir. It is such a pain to doctor shop, but you deserve better and I hope you can find it!

  11. I am a diabetic. But its impossible for me to control my sugar intake sometimes. Its like when a child is forbidden to eat something he wants to grab that all the time. But i use this natural sweetener when ever i have cravings. Its called Natvia http://natvia.com/ its working perfectly.

  12. Hi Scully, Dr. Berstein claims that his strict low carb / higher fat diet is the cure for high cholesterol. I have no proof of this other than his word in his book, but it still just came to mind while reading this post. We've pretty much given up on the low carb thing for our daughter Adele for now. At her age, she just wants to be like her non-D friends...

    Take Care

  13. I'm going to pile on and suggest that your LDL might just be where it is because of genetics; I hope the statins (or whatever you were prescribed) help!

    A few years ago, I jumped ship from my first endo. It was time; he wasn't giving me answers or seeming to take a very active interest in my diabetes. It was a hard decision to make, but I've been happier since then.


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