Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Keeping On (trying)

Holy Crap!

I have a ton of things I want to post about swimming around inside my head. 

I want to post about the joy of a hot tub aiding in long distance running recovery that I've recently learned.  And how hot tub water does a great job at dissolving the adhesive on my infusion sets.

I want to post about my fantastic friends who have literally saved my life lately.

I want to post about my new job and the 2 other type 1 diabetics I now work with.

I want to post about my 24 km run that got cut short to 18 km because of an embarrassing rash. 

I want to post about how my fitness is changing.

I want to post about being almost 8 months gluten-free.

............. but how can I possibly just chill out and spill my ideas when all I want to do is crawl into bed and suffocate myself?  That's probably a bit harsh but not entirely off.

How can I post about interesting funny things when all I feel is complete lack of motivation.  How?  When it takes all my effort just to keep going.  Keep running.  Keep exercising.  Keep waking up every day.  Keep functioning and going to work and being human.  These posts will have to wait.  I may have perfected "looking" fine from the outside but it's hard to write about fine when I am really anything but fine.

These are the times where even the small things become huge tasks.  Doing the dishes is like trying to push a 3 tonne boulder uphill in the snow.  Laundry is like pulling teeth.  I can only concentrate on so much throughout the course of the day.  Get up, go to work and keep exercising.  Then relying on my friends to keep me distracted with things like hot tubs, chocolate and good old fashioned shoulders to lean on.   
 

I will get to my posts. 
When every day ... ceases to be a such an uphill struggle.

7 comments:

  1. Keep on chugging girlfriend. Soon enough the sun will be shining, the buds will be on the trees and your bike will be ready to hit the road again.

    Congrats on the new job. Is that the one in St. Catharines?

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  2. I love these lines!
    Doing the dishes is like trying to push a 3 tonne boulder uphill in the snow. Laundry is like pulling teeth.
    You'll get there, take your time.

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  3. Well I live in a very messy house these days. And for someone who is usually called a neat freak that's pretty bad.

    Celine: yes the new job is in St.Kits :)

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  4. Someone told me that a messy desk = organized mind, so I like to think that translates to housework too!

    Hope you find you motivating spark soon! :)

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  5. Man, I feel so much like this, about the blogging and the getting out to exercise.

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  6. I hope you do feel better soon!...I'm amazed at all you do despite this lack of motivation. Lately I feel similar and well, I almost feel like watching my kids is too much work, I mean, I'm not the "mommy" type at all so I freak out about it sometimes...anyway, it finally culminated in a panic attack so big I am still recovering. I couldn't breathe or get off the floor. And I think I threw punches at my husband...don't know why...anyway, I had to get that out somewhere.

    I'm glad you have good friends, that is really awesome. I know you'll feel better soon, we'll be here to read when you're ready to write :)

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  7. Hey you did post silly :)
    xoxo

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