Thursday, November 25, 2010

The Damsel in Distress

I ran into a little “argument” with a friend of mine the other day that has been heavy on my mind. I’m not sure how to explain it but here goes the story anyway:

This friend and I were talking about low blood sugars. I told him that I probably have them on average of once a day. Some days it’s every hour and some times I won’t have a low for a week. It averages out to once a day. Lately I’ve been having 2-5/day for a few weeks now. Most likely due to me getting used to all the constant working out I’ve been doing. I mentioned a low I had and he asked me about how I felt the next day. This is where the non-D folk have a hard time understanding. Sometimes they just don’t know. Lows happen, and they happen often for me. I’m glad I feel normal shortly after and within the hour I’ve forgotten about it (unless of course its one of those debilitating ones). Either way, I don’t even remember come the next day. I suppose that’s one misconception. He then said something that started an intense thought process in my head, he said, “I’ve learned to keep juice boxes on me when we go out.”

I immediately got my back up in defense. I was rather upset and enraged. You would think my first and foremost response would be “Thanks for looking out for me” but instead I felt very insulted. I proceeded to get a bit…er.. bitchy if you will. My reasons for feeling this way are just I believe. I got diagnosed as an adult (22yrs old). I’ve never EVER had anyone take care of me. From day one I learned to look out for myself. I’ve had friends and boyfriends in the past that tried to look out for me. These people usually give up once they’ve known me for awhile and realize I’ll never need their help. There have been a few times where someone has retrieved things for me but I’ve never been in an emergency situation where I have to RELY on anybody. I am the master of my disease. When other people try to do something nice like carry candy on them I turn into a demon and tell them where to shove it. This is really bad. After our little argument it really began to settle within me as to WHY I lash out on the kindness of others.
I finally figured it out.

I hate feeling like a damsel in distress that needs to be rescued.

See, I am a fiercely independent person almost to the point of not letting people in. To know that a friend has juice boxes at a moments notice makes me feel like shit. It makes me feel like they think I can’t handle whatever D throws my way. It makes me feel like I am “sick” and in need of help. I can’t live like that. Even if I KNOW I should just be grateful the fire still burns my insides until I let it out. It always plays out the same way. I always end up feeling like a complete ass-hat. I would like to change, for whatever it’s worth.

One day, I'm going to need that persons juice box and it won't be there.  I need to suck it up and let down my hair from time to time.
"The Diabetic Who Cried NO Juice Box"

5 comments:

  1. I know that feeling. It makes you feel like people are waiting for you to fall apart which is really...dissapointing in a way. Great blog. I think we can all relate to it.

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  2. I too know that feeling. However I think you might consider looking at it a different way. It's not that your friend thinks you cannot handle the D (of course you can!) it's more that he/she needs to feel that sense of control and know that IF needed they can help(just like we do).

    In my experience, friends sometimes do these things bec they are "helping" but also bec deep down they feel helpless when/if you experience a low & they're not prepared.

    I know that my friends carry candy in their purses just in case, but I find it easier to kinda ignore it. After all, as you said "one day you may need that persons juice box and it won't be there". You've got a really great friend there.

    Best intentions sometimes don't feel like it, but they are showing love & consideration for the persons well being, in a way that works for them.

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  3. Let people love you.

    You'll be surprised at how awesome life is when you're willing to leave a few doors open to the depths of your heart.

    It doesn't mean you aren't independent or in control.

    It means he wants to be there for you unconditionally.

    And that's an amazing thing, my friend.

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  4. And this, my friends, is why I love the DOC. Thank you for giving me a different way of looking at it, I needed that. I really did, it's why I put this out there to begin with.
    Thank you so much.

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  5. This guy sounds like a "dream boat"! Is he your boyfriend? OK...too personal of a question on a blog - LOL.

    I am with the others Scully. I think too...it helps him feel less "helpless" is something happens...he feels he is ready to help you if you need it.

    Have a great day! I am hoping to run 10 miles today...run of my damn Turkey Dinner! UGH.

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