Thursday, September 30, 2010

Wasted Time Complaining

Thank you for the kind words and comments left on my last post about my diabetes vicious circle.  It means a great deal knowing I'm not alone with life's stresses and the poor diabetes management that follows.  The tunnel is not forever, I know.  Its just that in the diabetes world, a day or two off is okay but weeks and months, is that still okay? 

Lucky for me my appointment with my CDE was over-the-phone.  That way she couldn't visually SEE how upset and distraught I am.  Had it been a face-to-face appointment it would have gone the opposite direction.  I did my best to keep my mouth shut and not utter a word.  I agreed to make the bolus and basal changes on my pump that she suggested and said no more.  Smile and nod and no one will be the wiser.  When she asked if anything was going on I lied and said "no, it's all fine."  I lied to my CDE.  Hope that's not punishable!  She kept her finger-wagging to a minimal which surprised me a lot.  I have never gotten through an appointment with her without her nagging me to eat more.   

Truth is, I don't think what I did was right.  Diabetes is fluid.  It ebbs and flows along with the rest of our lives.  Everything changes continuously.  My personal stresses are causing me to not pay so much attention to my diabetes.  It's causing me to eat even less, sleep less and subsequently exercise less.  All big things that will effect my numbers.  I played it off like nothing new was going on and allowed her to change my basals and carb ratios all the while knowing it's probably just going to throw everything off kilter even more so then it already is.  Somewhat defeating the purpose of the changes in the first place.  Another vicious circle if you ask me. 

So in times like this, what are we to do?  The emotional turmoil is having a major crap effect on my management and I don't have the energy to devote any attention to it.  It sits there on the backburner wrecking havvok and causing shenanigans leaving me powerless to snap the whip.  I look at the changed basal rates and wonder what the point is.  Do I sit still? Continuing to pass it by while I deal with the turmoil in the rest of my life first?  Is it OKAY to put it on the backburner?  I mean, really, what are the consequences?  Furthermore, I have no idea how long I'm going to be in this state for.  How long is too long of a period of diabetes ignorance?

That's what's on my mind.  You'd think I'd be better off taking the energy I just used to complain about my lack of management into actually managing it.   Hmm...  there's that firey circle again. 

1 comment:

  1. Do you have anyone in your life that you can talk share your frustrations....perhaps who might even be able to look at numbers without the emotional variant and offer some suggestions? I don't say this to assume that you aren't perfectly capable of taming this beast. It's just that we all need someone now and then. D adds so much to an already full plate....just remember that someone is out here cheering for you. And praying. And being thankful that she's not the only imperfect person alive.


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