Thursday, July 29, 2010

Despair vs. Support

I've noticed a trend in some blog posts I've read over the past few days.  It's that of defeat and despair.  I've also noticed a handful of posts about community, family and support.  It's a bit contradictory and I feel no less than exactly the same, to both.  The struggle for me to persevere through the ups and downs of this disease has been especially hard lately.  I've also discovered new-found friendships and camaraderie since joining the D-OC.  Are they linked?

Am I finding like-minded also-struggling friendly-diabetics because I'm finding management terribly difficult? 

Who's really to know?  I have a feeling I've always struggled with management.  The more effort and awareness I put into it, the more sensitive I become to noticing the difficulties.  The tighter I try to reign in my control, the more stressful it makes life feel.  I sit on the fence every day of my life.  I hide and quietly struggle because I know very few who can relate to me.  I sometimes also lash out and express my D-despair loudly to family and friends.  Its no lie, they don't understand.  Yet the encouragement I've received from a few of the D-OC have filled me with new found energy to keep picking myself back up and going head to head with the D.  

I never know which side of the fence I am comfortable being on.  I feel defeated by my condition half the time and I am generally a pessimist so naturally I lean to that side.  The other half of the time I am trying desperately to be optimistic and take Dlife day by day via will power and force.  I usually sit somewhere between the two rarely wandering too far into either.  I sense it's like a teeter-totter.  The downs balance out the ups.  The frustrations vs. the encouragement. 

I don't know what the point of this post is, I guess it's to explain that I, too, feel the D-despair.  I also feel support I've never had before since becoming a part of this online community.  Its really taken me by surprise and I only hope it helps to influence my outlook in a more positive manner.  I'm trying, I really am.

6 comments:

  1. I think even the most positive and "happy" diabetics feel despair at times. It's not easy all the time. A lot of us struggle. Most of us struggle at one point or another. And a good number of us struggle most of the time. I am also generally a pessimist (something I have been working on my whole life...) so I totally feel you. I've never met a "perfect" diabetic in my life. You gotta let it out. We can all relate!

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  2. I tend to hide away when I'm feeling down about my diabetes, so people tend to only see me in my brighter, more optimistic moods. Onthe whole though, it's usually other life problems that weigh me down, rather than diabetes. I think writing a blog is a great way to record your feelings because you then have a record of how you felt then and how you are now, plus you get to share it with people who 'get it'. :)

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  3. It is so nice to know others who "get it"! I used to get really down about the D, but its easier to deal with now that I have such amazing diabetic friends to cheer me up and relate to! Sometimes its hard to look on the bright side, because this disease is ALL DAY ALL THE TIME! Just know that we are all here for you!

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  4. Hey Scully. Windsor, Ontario here :) Fellow D-betic and I feel you! I am also a runner! Last Oct ran the Detroit Free Press Half Marathon - it was over the Ambassador Bridge and it was amazing! Had my pump on and it was a blast training for it. This year, I'm expecting baby No. 2 so no marathon for me. But with No.2 comes Placenta No. 2 who is evil and hates me and doesn't understand that the insulin is good for both me and the baby - my insulin resistance is off the charts crazy right now. (I am up to 37u for my daily basals, and I go though a 300u reservoir every 2 days or 1.5 sometimes! It's crazy. 3 to 1 ratios across the board for boluses with sensitivity at the lowest setting! AND on top of it all i'm making a baby! SO I totally hear you! The tighter you try to keep control the more acutely aware you become how little control we really have - like the other day with your bike ride! You did EVERYTHING right and yet you felt like crap. Who knows half the time what is up? But oh how blogging helps! You are right - FINALLY you can vent and we get it!

    Anyways, excited to "meet" a fellow Canadian D-gal. I have a lot of questions for you (ie are you on CGM? or Did you know about the Disability Tax Credit for T1D? etc... )

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  5. Hi Scully...I know this comment is coming almost 2 years late but I was diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes 2 months ago. I am 29 years old so obviously this has been a HUGE adjustment for me. I really enjoyed this post as I have been struggling with the diagnosis. It is very comforting knowing there are people out here that can relate to the way I'm feeling. The days have been a little lonely since my diagnosis as I don't know anyone that has Type 1 so I kind of feel like no one understands the day to day struggles that the diseas can bring.

    Thank you for blogging about your experinces...I am working my way through all your posts and look forward to following along!!

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    1. Thanks Ali!
      If you need any one on one help/support/encouragement at all, don't be afraid to ask. Email me if you like!

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